The problem with delayed gratification is that seemingly nothing happens. You write. But the writing if you’re done for today doesn’t immediately manifest into a best-selling book. Or a viral tweet. Or a sales email that suddenly makes you millions. There is always – always! – a gap between what you do now and what happens next. And there is an unwritten law that the bigger the gap. The bigger the reward.
If you still don’t know what is delayed gratification. Besides reading my post on what is delayed gratification. You can clear your brain for a moment and imagine the following situation…
You are at your desk. It’s 7:17 PM. On your contract, it says that you’re supposed to work till 6 PM. The reason you’re still not walking toward the metro station where you can heal your damaged brain from the hectic day with your alpha waves playlists is a project that is due next Friday. In the last few weeks, your day-to-day life looks like a triathlon – meetings, emails, more meetings to discuss what was discussed in the emails. Suddenly, a beeping sound breaks through the silence in the empty office and draws your attention. What do you do? Do you a) confidently ignore the incoming notification so you can finish your task and head home (practice delayed gratification), or b) eagerly interrupt your progress and check what potential delight this flashing signal can bring to your tired psyche?
Assuming you’re not some kind of sophisticated AI masterfully placed in a human body – i.e., you have feelings, and you are guided by them. You will certainly check your phone so that you can indulge in the joy that comes from checking your phone and further delay your return home.
Because let’s face it: Waiting and postponing pleasure sucks.
I hate to wait.
You hate to wait.
Everybody hates to wait.
Anybody who says that they like to wait is either a degenerate liar or an ignorant hypocrite.
What kind of nerd will enjoy the repressed rage of his inner voice when he can be playing Angry Bids or race through the meaningless content created for the virtual kingdom of social media.
But alas, as everyone learns at some point in life. You have to wait. You have to postpone pleasure. You have to occasionally put your phone aside and talk to your spouse if you want to keep having a spouse.
You can’t stuff your fridge with shitty food. Drag the metal wardrobe to your room. Lock yourself inside. And start playing video games. You won’t survive.
Even if you’re not a professional athlete. And even if you don’t intend to become one. You still need to keep a healthy distance from chocolate bars. And you still need to occasionally move your muscles if you want to keep your body from becoming a circular shape.
This always involves a large degree of delaying gratification. Of saying no to stuff and to people.
But how can one practice the art of postponing pleasure in a world full of all kinds of pleasures?
Our modern materialistic world is overcrowded with stuff and services. You no longer have to get off your chair to have an amazing day. Clicking a couple of buttons on your phone can provide you with food, entertainment, and noise that will distract your mind from thinking about potential consequences that will emerge if you habitually binge movies and eat microwave food.
So what’s the solution?
To overcome the curse of immediate gratification so we can practice delayed gratification. We first need to understand how delayed gratification works. Recognize its main characteristics, and then adopt some strategies.
In this post, I’ll explore in more depth the concept of delayed gratification and more particularly how to practice delayed gratification.
Before we get to the actionable steps.
For more context, let’s first explore the following:
Why Do I Have Trouble Delaying Gratification?
One of the reasons why it’s so difficult to practice delayed gratification – say, when your phone beeps. It’s partly because of modern busyness.
Checking your phone every time it produces a sound is viewed as a self-care, my-time, guilty pleasure experience that’s the last-standing counterblast helping us keep our sanity.
I know, strange.
As a cure for busyness, we indulge in more busyness.
But when examined, we can see why this is happening.
Hey there, sorry to interrupt…
Since you’ve come this far, it seems that you are passionate about pursuing depth over distraction. I am too! And while what I’m about to say next probably won’t quite excite you, I have to say it…
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- Celeste Kidd, Holly Palmeri, Richard N. Aslin, Rational snacking: Young children’s decision-making on the marshmallow task is moderated by beliefs about environmental reliability. Science Direct, Cognition.
- For more on systems, I recommend reading the book or my summary of Thinking in Systems. Or my post on how to use systems thinking in your daily life.
